that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
