they need to just BURY HIM!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
