Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
