I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
