You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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