Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
