do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
