Define "chronic" masturbator.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
