I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
