you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
