K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
