her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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