Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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