Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
