Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I just sharted jello shots
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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