my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
