Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
