I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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