shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
