My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
