So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Jerry, you need to find god
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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