A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize