is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
