I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
