So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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