Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
