we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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