i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
