Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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