i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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