...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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