There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
