oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
