Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
