life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
