but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
