To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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