we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
