Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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