She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we're making bets on your personal life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
