Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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