I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
