I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
