I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
