i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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