someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
