hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
