Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
