maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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