She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
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you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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