My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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