if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
