i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
