8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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