Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Watching her eat just hurts me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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