And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
