mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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