Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
