u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
