He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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