I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
