i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
