Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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