remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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