At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
