Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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