Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Never underestimate the power of titties
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
