I murdered the dance floor call the cops
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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