we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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