Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
