It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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