That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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