You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
