It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
