taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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