I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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