If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My breasts were aching with rage.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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